A Missing Leaflet

I woke up to the voice of my mother calling my name and her warm hand gently caressing my forehead. I felt no pain at that time, only I knew I was draped in bandages.

A sharp pain seared through my head, as if it just got stabbed a million times at one point on my skull. I couldn’t open my eyes, they burned. And I felt suffocated by the smell of my own blood, burnt clothes and flesh. The skin on my arms seemed to have disappeared, and moving them was excruciatingly painful. My ears still felt numb from the deafening sound of the blast.

Continue reading A Missing Leaflet

I don’t deserve you – 5

 

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I don’t deserve you – 5

I’d recommend playing “Where Did Our Love Go” by the Supreme at this point, though I’d prefer Soft Cell’s cover. I prefer that edgy, darker vibe from the latter group than that mushy Motown tune that my mother likes, but that’s just me. It sets the mood for what’s to come.

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I didn’t ask you out, that’s for sure. I had to take a step back and ask yourself the hard truth. “You’re an unpleasant, cowardly, disgrace of a man!”, I said to myself. “Why the hell are trying to get a relationship with this woman? So she can ‘save you’?! From what?! Yourself?! That’s all on you, you bastard! You’re never going to get what you want, romantic or otherwise, because you really are a wretched loser! It’s time to burn this bridge to nowhere. And do me a favor. Never get involved in anyone else’s life. You can’t love and care for yourself, much less someone else.” That was the impetus for ending what couldn’t be. The problem was that I spent over the course of a month spending almost all of my free time thinking about you.

I’m not the sort of the guy that forgets easily. I tried simply not looking you up online for a week and I still didn’t succeed in removing you from my life. I couldn’t quit my job either. Everyone needs money, particularly me at the moment. That’s when I took a dark, rash turn for the worst. I had to make a conscious effort to burn bridges with you so I had a good reason to stay away from you.

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This is going to be dark so playing “My War” by Black Flag, “Slaughter Of The Soul” by At the Gates, “Dead Embryonic Cells” by Sepultura, “Fear of Napalm” by Terrorizer, “Los Angeles” by X, or “Wild Side” by Mötley Crüe. Don’t listen to them all at once at high volume unless you want to go deaf in 20 seconds.

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My puppy love for you turned into hate. I wanted to put the blame for my unrealistic future that was never meant to be on you. I thought this will finally put my imaginative dalliance with you with a very despicable act. I effectively sold your soul to truly depraved devils. I did swiftly and I even had a little cheer for myself for that heinous act. It is something I’ve never done to anyone else in my life. I felt a smug sense of superiority because I thought I tore you a new one. I thought I had the upper hand on someone for once in my life.

Chapter 4
After my darkest hour, I felt that with that act in mind, I could move on and forget that about this woman with this dark stain on her name. I anticipated that there would’ve been a change in my own feelings of self-worth. In short, I thought I would be feeling satisfied. That feeling never came. Indeed, nothing that I thought would feel ever came. I’m sure you know what I did now. The realization that someone did this to you is beyond words, I reckon. I can see that you’re avoiding me at work either by eyeing my movements, running away from me once your shift’s over, and looking the other way when riding a vehicle.

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Yeah, I noticed you at least three times outside of work. I remember the first two times you looking at me furtively. I was befuddled as to why you were looking at me rather longingly, even as the car move a greater distance from each other. Of course, I knew that you realize that I hurt you because the third time I saw you ducking your head to avoid seeing my derelict and morally compromised face.

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I’m sure you’re looking for somewhere else to work, though if there was any sense of justice in the world, I should be sacked. I thought that with my act I would stop caring about you, but instead I feel nothing but remorse.

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This is the part where I’d listen to “Edge of Seventeen” by Stevie Nicks. If nothing else, it to mourn any lost goodwill you may have for me, if even care to think of me in any way other than hateful terms.

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I’m sure you don’t feel like it, and I reckon there’s more than a few people that would want to exact violent retribution on your behalf, but now I only want to make a plea for forgiveness. I have tried to remove such a stain from your name, but I can’t trust the wicked people of digital age to do the same even if asked them to do so. Nevertheless, I will make the effort to repair your good name. That is the only thing I want from you now: your forgiveness.

Chapter 5
At this point in time, I’m falling out of love for you. At this point I only feel about parting ways, although I wish we could do so on good terms.

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If there is only one song you’d actually listen to while reading this message, it should be “Baker Street” by Gerry Rafferty. The lyrics sum me up perfectly, and that saxophone riff is just excellent. It’s my theme song, no less. Take that, Dave Ramsey.

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It may not be right in saying this, namely because I really fell in love with a façade, but I thought I had brief, beautiful moment with you. It was so beautiful and ethereal that it could only last for a moment. Still, even the briefest moments can make an impact of a lifetime. This is where I make my last goodbye to you, sweet Mabel. Farewell, and may you forgive me.

I Don’t Deserve You – 4

For Part 1 Click Here:

Part 2 of the Story :

Click Here for Part 3:

I Don’t Deserve You – 4 :

Play “Sister Golden Hair” by America to set the mood. It’s just for a nice mood for the following segment. Yeah, I know you’re a brunette, but just go with it.

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So, I’ve seen you made a few dating profiles on a few websites. Now, I have to ask the following question: Are you insane?! How many times do I have to repeat myself? You’re an attractive woman! I seriously find it hard to believe you haven’t found the right guy yet. Now granted, you’ve dated once before. That may have colored a negative light on relationships for you. Still, I don’t believe you can look me in the eye and tell me that there aren’t at least three single guys you know in your circle of friends that would go out with you. You’re a charmingly beautiful woman with a more gorgeous heart.

You’d be doing any guy a favor to even have just one date with you. Anyone who is even around you would know of your luminous grace. So, don’t go out to the reaches of cyberspace to a site where only vapid, distorted depictions of beauty, suaveness, or really any term of attractiveness that those creeps use to hide behind their own worlds of vainglorious, egotistical detritus. You’re better than that. You might be waiting for Mr. Right to come around the corner, but I really think you’d be surprised who could be a real unexpected catch if you asked anyone in your immediate physical reach.

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Of course, given your questionable practice of simply abandoning old accounts instead of deleting them means that I may have been reading old, irrelevant content. You might already be in a relationship, or simply not interested in relationships at the moment. The latter scenario would question your current fascination with parenting if you won’t take the first step to starting such a life, but I digress.

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Chapter 3
I thought that with this seemingly harmless observance of your online activities I thought maybe I will work the courage to go ask you out. I thought I would be so clever to perhaps coincidentally (wink wink) participate in activities of your liking, for example taking long walks in parks or going out to a nice Italian restaurant.

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I would’ve been okay with anything except for skating. By Zeus, I would prefer anything to skating. I would’ve gone to a wrestling match with you, despite my dismissal of said activity as a fake sport. I would’ve gone and watched all the crappy Rom-Coms that plague every theater since time immemorial. Hell, I would’ve done something I wouldn’t have expected you to like, like going to cockfights or something. Alright, fine. That last activity was something I know you wouldn’t like, but anything other than skating is my point of my little story here.

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I Don’t Deserve You – 3

 

Continued from Part 2:

You may read the Part 1

I Don’t Deserve You – 3:

It’s been over a year since I first met you, and while we’ve had a small chat here and there, my timidity must’ve put you off as me being cold and distant. I’m actually scared and desperate, I assure you. I always thought you were cute, but it was only in the last two months that I thought that you could be more than that. That’s when I began to search you on the Internet for your social media profiles. I discovered them and I enjoyed of what I saw. The lively, joyful life I saw posted- and I’m sure there’s far more of that I haven’t seen that is rightfully for your eyes only -really matches the sunny disposition I see in the physical space.

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I listen to “Kids In America” by Kim Wilde while I searched for you. I like listening to upbeat New Wave music, though I imagine you’d wouldn’t care for this genre. Sometimes I also listen to “We Got the Beat” by the Go-Go’s which by the way is so far the only female band I would ever care about.

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I’m kind of shocked, amused, and bewildered to see your interests, at least the ones I see in cyberspace. First of all, I am shocked at the number of animal-focused pages on your Facebook account. It’s like large swaths of your liked pages are either around dogs, official fan pages for zoos across the country, or baby animals in general. I like animals myself, but I wonder if you’ve ever taken care of one those creatures for at least one day.

I got two dogs myself, and while I love them not I’m gushing with overt praise and affection because they can be a pain in the ass. Another aspect that I did not know about is the number of liked pages dedicated to food. You’re no doubt the thinnest employee at our little establishment, and I never would’ve imagined that you were once a rather chubby girl in the past. I guess doing all those exercises that you found on Pinterest really worked out in the end. Still, you sure love your chocolate, pasta, burger, and especially pizza fan pages, don’t you?

I think you may have liked at least one page that promoted healthy living, but you sure love to eat, don’t you? Maybe, out of everything I’ve seen from your online presence, that is something I should emulate. I certainly don’t have the physique of Adonis, that’s for sure. Then, I see that you like all of that Marvel, anime, cosplay, really all of that nerdy shindig activities that I wouldn’t ever associate with you.

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Okay, I got to go off-topic for a bit. When I ever I see Facebook pages like “Nerds with Vaginas” and I see pictures of people that are reasonably good-looking, I’m at a loss of how these folks could identify themselves as “nerd”, “geek, etc. I’d say almost all of you guys- and yes, Mabel, I’m including you as well -are far too attractive to identify with such a stigmatizing term. I’m only maybe two or three years older than you, but this “geek pride” phenomenon is a completely alien concept, despite liking the same things that these newfound “geeks” find so interesting.

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I also saw that you love those parenting sites with all of those cute photos and videos of parent-kid interaction. I assume you want to be a mom yourself someday That is a perfect segue into the most glaring factoid about your digital self.

I Don’t Deserve You – 2

I Don’t Deserve You – 2 : Story Continued from: I Don’t Deserve You

I just want to go on record saying that while I found you attractive- and I still do at times -I am somehow not thrown completely out of whack to know that you sure as hell won’t be winning any beauty contests. That nose of yours could really use some straightening up, since it looks like it was smooshed by some wall from a few years back. Do you not have the means to buy some decent shampoo and conditioner to rein in that hair of yours? I see so many split ends and stray hairs everywhere that if you wore a bum’s clothes, I’d think you were that indigent. The most glaring physical feature I see is when you’re not smiling, your face seems to express one of two expressions: sad or angry. Of course, I saved the biggest flaw for last: your short stature. I’m like 6 feet 4 inches tall, and you’re what, like 5 feet tall? Still, there was an attractive hold you had on me despite your homunculus build. I thought to myself “How the hell could I be in love with such a woman? It’d be a struggle to kiss each other since I’d have to crouch or she’d have to climb a ladder of sorts. If I did do impossible and have a relationship with this woman, she’d only have me around as a human cherry picker. If I really wanted to date diminutive beings, I’d date some distant relative from my mother’s side of the family.” I could spend the rest of my time taking cheap shots at your shortness, but I won’t this cruel anymore, I promise. I only wanted to tell you that I know you’re not the most attractive woman in the world, especially given the customer base at our workplace, which can sometimes bring in quite the number of lookers in there. Nevertheless, in the face of more attractive women coming in and out of that establishment, you beat them all in terms of getting me hooked on to you since your aforementioned physical flaws, combined with the lack of makeup which I must give kudos because you don’t hide anything and good on you, combined with the good parts of you make me feel that I’m seeing a real, raw beauty in my midst. I’d like to know more about you, but since I’m the most depraved, decrepit, unbelievably timid and awkward guy in the world, I took the coward’s way of knowing you.

I Don’t Deserve You

I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anyone, really. I’m sorry that this crazy bastard that I am chose out of all the women in that little store we toil in, it had to be you. Looking from the so-called competition, it was probably obvious why I wanted you. You have such a lovely, albeit rather unkempt, brunette ponytail. You have a perky, lively manner of walking, something that is still quite apparent when you’re waiting in line, always dancing the time away. You have a such a lovely voice. Now granted, you still sound so much like a girl even though you’re a full-figured woman, through and through. Still, it does make you sound quite youthful, though I imagine you’ll lose such voice by the time you hit 40. However, if there is one physical trait that stands out from everything else, it’s your eyes. They’re beautiful, soft, warmth-giving eyes. When I ever see those eyes with that smile of yours, I seriously feel that the vast, multiple troubles and travails in my life are gone. Those irises of milky azure rope me in into some strange, ethereal world since I don’t see many people with such a color. The rest of your countenance then ropes me into a calming mood which in turn completes a sensation that all of the stresses that I had before seeing your smile are someplace else. It really does feel that I may have seen, for a few seconds, a glimpse into heaven.

Interrupting Side Story 1 Start-
Sometimes I listen to “Photograph” by Def Leppard whenever I imagine your physical presence. Okay, I try to imagine that tune as your theme song just for the rockin’ themes of infatuation. Yeah, I’m not one for the “contemporary” music of today with its dubstep, hip-hop, techno BS I don’t give a crap about. I’m weird like that. I just like that classic rock from yesteryear. With that in mind, that song of the same name by Nickelback can go to hell!

Missing Her

Missing Her: I’m missing her at every moment, I’m missing her at every breath inhale. I’m missing her when I laugh and i miss her at my bad time. She was supposed to be with me at this time when i needed her the most. I’m feeling like,the sweet pain in love is missing the better half.

I was a normal person and had nothing with me. No job, No money, No carrier but then she came suddenly as my lady luck and my life started changing. I was a hard worker and i cleared an interview from a huge company. It was life changing opportunity for me, I started living my life peacefully and we both were so much in Love.

We saw so many dreams together, I have started saving my money for her and for our better future. Purchased a luxurious home, car and everything. She loved me with the same intensity when I had nothing and she was loving me with the same intensity now when I’m rich.

But future had some other plans, I proposed her for marriage and she said YES. One of the best thing in my life, Best moment when she kissed me and i kissed her back. That was our first ever kiss and her touch was so holy and divine.

7 days before marriage, she went to another city to buy some gifts for us and meet up with road accident and she is no more with us. All the promises we had got shattered. I’m missing her right now every single minute. I wish i could touch her and feel her and show her how much i love her.

I’m missing her.. I miss you.

I Understand

Blind Girl StoryThere was a blind girl who was filled with animosity and despised the world.

She didn’t have many friends, just a boyfriend who loved her deeply, like no one else.

She always used to say that she’d marry him if she could see him. Suddenly, one day someone donated her a pair of eyes…

And that’s when she finally saw her boyfriend…

She was astonished to see that her boyfriend too was blind…

He told her, “You can see me now, can we get married?”

She replied, “And do what? We’d never be happy. I have my eye sight now, but you’re still blind. It won’t work out, I’m sorry.”

With a tear in his eye and a smile on his face, he meekly said, “I understand. I just want you to always be happy. Take care of yourself, and my eyes.”

I wish I could tell her

8th Grade Year
I wish I wish I could tell her how I feel. Today I saw the most beautiful girl in the whole 8th grade class ,and the world. Jenny was her name, when i asked she spoke like an angel. I wish I could tell her how I feel…

12th Grade Year (Prom)
I wish I wish I could tell her how I feel. Me and Jenny talked today. She really loves her boyfriend. They broke up and I had to comfort her after prom. She told me i was the best friend on the planet. I wish I could tell her how I feel…

College Sophomore Year
I wish I wish I could tell her how I feel. Jenny has grown even more beautiful if that’s even possible. I saw her at a party with Derek. My heart sank, she was happy as ever. We talked about him, she says he’s different. I wish I could tell her how I feel…

College Graduation
I wish I wish I could tell her how I feel. We were all the happiest we’ve ever been. Jenny ran up to me after accepting degrees and kissed me on the check and yelled “WE MADE IT!”. Jenny then ran to Derek and kissed him deeply. I wish I could tell her how I feel…

Jenny’s Marriage
I wish I wish I could’ve told her how I feel. Everyone was happy…except me. Jenny had the biggest grin on her face ever. I smiled back to make her happy. During their kiss I had to look away, and blink the tears out of my eyes. I wish I could’ve told her how I feel… ..

Jenny’s Funeral
I wish I wish I could’ve told her how I feel. Today was Jenny’s memorial. I don’t want to live anymore. After the service her mother brought me a box from Jenny’s house. The will said i was to receive all it’s contents. In it was a book I gave her in 8th grade, the prom corsette I gave her in 12th grade, the notebook I gave her sophomore year in college, the button I gave her for her college graduation robe, an earring i gave to her on her wedding, and a diary.It read…

Jenny’s Diary
8th Grade Year
I wish I wish I could tell him how I feel… .. .. .. ..

The Tragic Ending

Tragic Love Story

He’s first person whom i had my crush and the love for my life. We met 14 years before, when we were Youngsters. We knew one another from secondary school to University, however didn’t talk much in light of the fact that we were Shy. Two of us scholarships to study in Singapore and I used to visit his campus however we at times met. At that point my Friends told me know that he had a sweetheart who studied over in the same university with me. It made me exceptionally sad…I did proceed onward with my life. It was hard and very painful for me…

There were time we separated for quite a long time, ’cause we both were in different countries, I worked in Malaysia and he returned home, yet we watched one anther’s development as great friends… Until I return and experience passionate feelings for him profoundly… All the past recollections memories are back. His photo’s still in my heart, those days when we met at the educational tuition class. I frequently dream for him. My instinct told me know that it’s expected to express my love for him and I made a rose for Valentine’s day, taking after by a card, letter and one wooden Mandarin duck. One I keep and one for him, my dearest one. Sent by post to his best friend office to go to him.

It’s too late…, one thing I know it’s genuine from the first time I looked at him…

The tragic ending, he’s specified that I resembled like a stalker from an  unknown number, he blocked me from his contact list, Whatsapp, facebook etc and threw my gift away..